


Pirate Thespians

by Lookatallmyships



Category: Original Work, tumblr text post
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Gen, Humor, Pirates, a platonic kiss between buds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 12:43:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14832473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lookatallmyships/pseuds/Lookatallmyships
Summary: Based on this tumblr post, I claim no credit for the idea. https://i.imgur.com/sSqWWAt.jpg





	Pirate Thespians

Once everyone has gathered on the deck, Johnathan Nottley strides forward, and takes his place at the podium. (Which is in actuality, two wooden crates stacked on top of each other, and lashed together with some spare twine.) He's wearing a powdered wig that they managed to scrounge up, the effect somewhat dampened by his long dreadlocked brown hair hanging down beneath it. He pulls out the stack of parchment that he'd prepared ahead of time, and then clears his throat. "You are gathered here today, to witness the trial of Christopher Black. If Mr. Black would please take his seat, we can get started." Johnathan makes sure to use his best, most exaggerated, 'regal' voice.

Christopher obligingly walks up, and sinks down onto another wooden crate placed in front of the podium, this one serving as a chair.

Johnathan waits a moment, before nodding disdainfully at the other Pirate, and flipping to the next page of his speech. "I will now begin reading from the long list of this scoundrel's egregious crimes. Johnathan Black, you have been accused of almost too many crimes to count. These crimes include, but are not limited to; stealing eleven horses from their stables, corrupting a toddler towards the ways of evil, and indecently exposing yourself inside a church."

Christopher leans back as much as he can without falling backwards off the crate, and crosses his arms. "I have committed no such acts. I've never even seen a toddler."

Jonathan raises an eyebrow and adjusts his wig so it's sitting sideways, gaining a laugh from one of the crew. "Oh, no? I'll continue, then. You were seen by a farm boy, and I quote, 'committing indecent acts with a goat. Is this true?"

"I find that men often accuse others of the perversions they themselves are guilty off." Christopher smirks at the laugh this evokes.

"You would know all about that, ey Black?" Someone from the audience yells.

Ignoring them, Johnathan carries on. "You mean to tell me, that this eunuch farm boy was accusing you to cover up his own misdeeds?"

The accused pirate, shrugs. "It is not in my nature to judge other's, I believe that is only God's right."

"That's a load of bullshit Black, and you know it!" 

Johnathan looks over and glares at the ship's cook, banging his 'Gavel' on the podium. (A cannister of spices that they liberated from a trade ship, and will be returned to the galley after they're done here.) "I will have order in my court!"

The cook smirks. "My apologies, Judge Nottley."

Johnathan sniffs and adjusts his wig again, this time turning it to sit backwards on his head. He blows a puff of air upwards, as if trying to blow away the ribbon tied ponytail from where it hangs between his eyes. "Hmm, it's not often we encounter a religious pirate." He says dryly.

By now, half the crew is laughing at his antics.

"Very, well. I think you'll find that these are much harder to deny were your doing. We have accounts from numerous people, one of which being the Governor's daughter herself, Miss Mary-Elizabeth 'the Odiferous' Throckwaddle, that you were seen in town committing these crimes." He hears the sound of Doc Morigan quietly telling someone what Odiferous means, and then many whispers as the information is passed along from person to person, gaining a few chuckles. Johnathan clears his throat again to get everyone's attention. "You were seen sneaking in and or out of a number of homes during the night, taking only ladies socks with you. You set fire to a building using only a pair of sticks and an eel, and a number of respectable men have reported your seducing and then committing adultery with their wives."

Christopher smirks. "That last one, I can not confirm or deny."

A hearty laugh ripples throughout the entire ship, and Johnathan has to struggle not to smile. He whips his head up from his parchment, and glares at the pirate seated before him. His movement causes his already poorly seated wig to fall of his head, and hit the deck with a very soft swishing noise. He pretends not to notice its presence at his feet. "I have heard enough! With my position as Judge of this court, I sentence you to be hung until death."

"You won't take me alive!" Christopher yells. He suddenly jumps up. and shoves the podium into Johnathan before taking off running in the opposite direction.

Johnathan gasps in pretend outrage. "How dare you! That was made of the finest Oak, this side of the Atlantic!" Johnathan gives chase, and the two men run all over the deck of the ship, occasionally jumping over obstacles.  Johnathan almost catches the other man several times, but he always just manages to get away. Johnathan reaches out to grab the other pirate, and just as he manages to get a handful of his shirt, Johnathan slips on the discarded wig. His feet go out from under him, sending them both down to the ground. 

They roll around the deck, Christopher trying to get away and Johnathan doing his best to pin him with his arms behind his back. Suddenly Christopher lurches forward, and before Johnathan can throw his arms up to defend his face, Christopher kisses him. Johnathan goes stock still, and in his moment of genuine surprise, Christopher springs up and disapears below deck.

Johnathan waits a few moments for effect, a look of bewilderment on his face, and then gets up from the ground. At this point, not a single crew member isn't laughing. Even the Captain is Guffawing from his place at the helm of the ship. 

Christopher reappears, and goes over to slap Johnathan on the back. "That was a good show, maybe one of the best we've done yet."

Johnathan grins. "I'd like to see Crawford and Fleet top it when it's their turn to put on a show."


End file.
